I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

In my old neighborhood, a boy stopped playing when he began to lose his pulse. And then he became the referee.

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.

Calculus is one course you can come with to your parents and say, I am dropping it. And they'll understand.

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

A father... knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested.

In spite of what Thomas Jefferson wrote, all men may be created equal, but not to all women.