I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, Hey, y'all catch all them fish? Nope - Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign.

Remember: Greed is a bad color on a person.

God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work.

I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man taps on the glass and says You using the phone? Nope, I'm superman, i am just looking for my costume. Here's your sign!

When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.