My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world.

I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Can someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

I've never read a kayak manual, but I'm pretty sure page one says 'Use in water.'