I've never read a kayak manual, but I'm pretty sure page one says 'Use in water.'

Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.

Just when I think the human race has been lost to the "what about me" people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.

I believe that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. It's a little further south.

Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.