God was havin' himself a good day when he made boobs. He must've stepped back from Eve and said, Yes ma'am! Those'll work.

If your mother still drives you to school, you are not a gangster, pull your pants up!

Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.

So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.

I believe that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. It's a little further south.

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, Tire go flat? I couldn't resist. Said, Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign.

When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?