I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

Just when I think the human race has been lost to the "what about me" people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.

I believe that anyone who wants to wear a thong should have to go through an application process.

I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there's a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to the hood. My buddy says to me you think he's been hunting? Nope, They're probably giving them away with the purchase of every jeep. Here's your sign!

I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.

And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!

A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.