I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies.
Bill EngvallI believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don't wanna climb on that.
Bill EngvallYou know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day.
Bill EngvallI told my wife I'm afraid to go back to the doctor because I'm afraid they're going to look at you and say: 'ma'am, just sell him for parts. It's like that old car that as soon as you fix one thing, something else goes out on it.
Bill EngvallI was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. All right Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you. Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it.
Bill Engvall