Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'

You know what I hate about working? Bosses...The very idea that ANYONE could be my boss, well...I think you see the conflict.

I'm totally confused about what I'm going to do with my life.

The world's like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it's real, that's how powerful our minds are

I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself... Good evening!

I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.