We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn't a hazard to this country-How're we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?

You watch the news these days? It's unbelievable. You think you just walk out your door, you're immediately gonna be raped by some crack-addicted, AIDS-infected pitbull.

'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style.

I've had good times on drugs...bad times on drugs...But I've had good and bad relationships...and I'm not giving up pussy.

I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now I wonder why we're f-ked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the f-king book.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.