Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world.

I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.

All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'

I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now I wonder why we're f-ked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the f-king book.

What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.

It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay?