Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.
Bill HicksEver notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day." Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
Bill HicksHow many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
Bill HicksI smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin' mouth.
Bill HicksSupreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts, that's their definition, essentially. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmm... Sounds like... every commercial on television, doesn't it? You know, when I see those two twins on that Doublemint commercial? I'm not thinking of gum. I am thinking of chewing, so maybe that's the connection they're trying to make.
Bill Hicks