What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.

I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.

What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis; not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.

In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.

Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.