I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit left chocolate eggs in the night. Now I wonder why we're f-ked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the f-king book.

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.

Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't...Paula Abdul doesn't...there does seem to be a pattern.

All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real.

Nonsmokers--this is for you and you only. Ready? Nonsmokers die every day. Sleep tight.

I...am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light...in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required.