How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand...considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!

I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.

Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.

Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.