Remember, guns don't kill people - unless you practice real hard.

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality is whatever we say it is and every problem can be solved with violence.

New Rule: The people of America who were most in favor of the Iraq War must now go there and fight it.

What is with this campy fixation on all things Ronald Reagan? They talk about him the way gay people talk about Barbra Streisand. I think they want him on a stamp so they can lick his ass. I think they wanted to name airports after him so they can say, "I'm coming into Reagan!"

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position