This is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.

We've been on a long break and I've just been kicking back, doing nothing. Like our government.

People are either good or they're not. Religion doesn't make anybody good, I don't think.

Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'

It's all been satirized for your protection.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

I kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that 'the earth's crust was emboldened by Obama's weakness.'