I feel like I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.

Cleavage is to a man what power is to a woman.

What we don't know is about Jeb Bush and cocaine. But we do know that he did once had his brother Florida on a silver platter.

You can't claim you're for peace if you're not willing to disturb it.

I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.

People sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning.

Trying to get today's Republicans to accept basic facts is like trying to get your dog to take a pill. You have to feed them the truth wrapped in a piece of baloney, hold their snouts shut and stroke their throats. and even then, just when you think they've swallowed it, they spit it out on the linoleum.