Tiger Woods apologized to the three women in America he never got around to sleeping with.

When I was in high school the worst thing you could ever get was VD. Talk about the sniffles! I just want to meet an old-fashioned girl with gonorrhea.

If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.

If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.

People are very narcissistic. It's not all their fault. We live in a society where there is a magazine for you, a channel for you, a perfume for you.

Americans are desperately, here on the West Coast, buying up and hoarding iodine pills... Isn't it great that in a land that is divided between conservative morons and liberal pussies, somehow we have managed to find a way to pull together and behave like moronic pussies?