I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?

Like it or not, we're still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.

Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

I doubt anything will really come of this lawsuit. First of all, it's a lawsuit. It involves a subpoena. And try to find a Republican who will be willing to be seen serving a black man.

Obama has had more fundraisers than the last six presidents combined. And he's still losing in the money race!

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.