I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?

People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They're DEFINITELY GAY!!

Obama has had more fundraisers than the last six presidents combined. And he's still losing in the money race!

I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!

When you tolerate intolerance, you're not really being a liberal.

This Ted Cruz guy, I mean, he incurred the wrath, really, of his own party. They don't like him. Democrats hate him. Independents hate him. Republicans hate him. Even Miley Cyrus, he's the one guy she refuses to lick.

The president had a press conference about this this week and he said that the U.S. has no plans to attack North Korea. And then he added, 'Like having no plan ever stopped me before.'. He has something even more deadly in store for them - we're going to bring them democracy.