Oh, America! I could never leave you! You're like my dog, dumb as a post but you make me laugh!

That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

You can't pray away global warming, and that's the difference between religious people and sane people.

New Rule: If you can force a woman to look at a sonogram—to see what will happen if she has an abortion—you also have to let her see a crying baby, a bratty five-year-old, and a surly teenager to see what will happen if she doesn’t. And you have to tell her it costs $204,000 to raise it until it turns eighteen, in 2028, where it will be a slave to the Chinese, in a radioactive world with no animals, fish, or plants.

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.