Oh, America! I could never leave you! You're like my dog, dumb as a post but you make me laugh!

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

There's a word the teabaggers have wanted to use since Obama came on the scene, but they can't because it's not the 1950s. They would love to say this word. It begins with an N and ends with -er, and it's not "nation-builder."

The key to me, in religion, is just to treat it like it doesn't really matter. We have a Pope, we don't really believe him, we don't really listen to what he says, we don't really take him seriously. That's what has to happen with religion. It has to be marginalized and in the Islamic world, it's not marginalized, it's taken literally.

The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that's the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe.

If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.

When sex is good theres nothing better, when its bad its not bad.