Don't vote for Republicans or Democrats until they clean up the open system of bribery that we live under.

Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that.

Last week John McCain said the fundamentals of our economy are strong. This week, he said it's the worst crisis since World War II. So he suspended his campaign, unless you count doing interviews, airing attack ads, sending out surrogates on TV to attack Obama.

The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.

If it makes you feel any better we will be happy to attack a country that had nothing to do with it.

When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.