Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'

I like groaning. That means that you're not pandering to their already settled prejudices.

When I was 5-years-old, I knew who Khrushchev was.

All across the Middle East in the streets, people are demanding democracy. It's amazing. The only way in America you get people to get worked up like that is to threaten to give them health care.

I never hear terrorists say 'Merry Christmas,' only 'Allahu Akbar'.

I kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that 'the earth's crust was emboldened by Obama's weakness.'

Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.