To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.

It could be anything. It could be Jesus and it could be the Furby and it could be the lint that lives in my navel, but it's probably not. Whatever it is, I doubt we as humans on Earth could have any perception of it while we're here. So, why give yourself a headache thinking about it. Just be a good person. That's what an ethicist is.

I'm against suing tobacco companies. I think abstinence is a perversion. I think Bush's lies are worse than Clinton's. I think Vegas was better when it was run by the mob. I think men are only as loyal as their options. I think stereotypes are true and rehab is for quitters.

I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight.

They say that Japan's rigorous building codes and regulations saved thousands of lives over there. Or, as Republicans here saw it, it 'fostered a socialist, anti-business environment that's worse than being dead.'

So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

There are people who think everything is a conspiracy and I think they're crazy.