If a President must constantly remind the people that we're at war, then we're not.

If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian.

The American people don't really care what side of an issue you're on. They just don't want you to act like a pussy.

I'm worried about a permanent Republican majority. That's what I'm worried about for the future.

I'd like to protect children, too, but... is everything worth sacrificing to that? I mean, drugs have done a lot of good... They've midwived a lot of good ideas... lot of great songs, you know? I think "Penny Lane" is worth 10 dead kids... I think Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. There, I said it.

New Rule: Someone must x-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, intact and completely undigested. And I'm not talking about this past Easter. I'm talking about the last time I celebrated Easter, in 1962.

As a loyal American and I think a patriotic American, no, I don't want Sarah Palin to be president.