President Obama invited John McCain to the White House to give his opinion on Egypt, specifically what it's like to be a mummy.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

The people [in the USA] are not very well informed. They certainly don`t know history. They certainly are not interested in foreign affairs very much, unless it comes right to their doorstep. They all learn history through wars. They learn geography through wars.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Your taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'

In New York now, they have Harvey Milk High School for gay students. They don't have much of a football team, but the half-time show . . .

In the Muslim world, much of it, they cannot conceive of something coming out of the United States that wouldn't be sanctioned by the government, because in their countries, everything is sanctioned by the government.