President Obama invited John McCain to the White House to give his opinion on Egypt, specifically what it's like to be a mummy.

Your fuselage shouldn't open more easily than your pretzel bag.

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed.

If you believe that the world is going to come to an end - and perhaps any day now - does it not drain one's motivation to improve life on earth while we're here?

Life is not like a box of chocolates unless there's a few turds in the box.

Glenn Beck retired or got fired...and a lot of people are asking who will now speak for the raving lunatics who startle you outside of a parking garage?