We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.

I kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that 'the earth's crust was emboldened by Obama's weakness.'

This week Sarah Palin's memoir became a bestseller. It's not even out yet. It's being translated into English.

This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car.

A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond to this and said, ‘It is appalling that Obama spent his teenage years goofing around and smoking pot when he should have been pinning down gay kids and cutting their hair.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

You can't claim you're for peace if you're not willing to disturb it.