That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.

A president can be unpopular for good reasons. You know, I'm not always on the side that the people are right, for God's sake. But, you know, he's not popular when he goes overseas. He couldn't go to Rosa Parks' funeral.

Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.

Don't vote for Republicans or Democrats until they clean up the open system of bribery that we live under.

We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

When you look at belief in such things - as do you go to heaven, is there a devil - we have more in common with (Muslin countries) Turkey and Iran and Syria than we do with European nations and Canada and nations that, yes, I would consider more enlightened that us.

Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'