The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it.

I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of?

More astronauts have been to the moon than farmers who paid the inheritance tax in 2013.

If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments.

If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian.

New Rule: Food companies must face the facts: One container equals one serving. Look, we’re Americans, and that means once we open the bag, there’s no stopping us until we’re licking stray bits of powdered cheese off the carpet. So stop trying to give us nutritional information based on a fraction of the package. It assumes a talent for two things that we’re really not capable of: restraint and math.

I'm just honest. They [asians] don't want to see black people generally in their movies.