I couldn't run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting; who would vote for me?

I would rather put up with Rush Limbaugh and live in a country where we all do have freedom of speech.

Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America, except he has to show I.D. when he votes.

Don't vote for Republicans or Democrats until they clean up the open system of bribery that we live under.

Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.

The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.

And he said that 47%-that's pretty high-47% of Americans are basically welfare bums who are mooching off the government. And then he said, 'My job is not to worry about those people.' You know, where do people get this stuff that Mitt Romney is a heartless, calculating c**ksucker?