I couldn't run for any office. I think that religion is bad, weed is good, and babies are disgusting; who would vote for me?

My wife always has a splitting archetype whenever I want to have sex.

If you're living hand-to-mouth, and still buying into the con that the big threats to America are socialized medicine, Mexican immigrants and tax increases, then you're not being kept down by the rich. You're being kept down by you.

If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.

New Jersey Mayor Corey Booker last night personally rescued a woman from a burning building. Or as Fox News reported it, 'black man loots house, steals white woman.'

If we go back to the beginning, we shall find that ignorance and fear created the gods; that fancy, enthusiasm, or deceit adorned them; that weakness worships them; that credulity preserves them and that custom, respect and tyranny support them in order to make the blindness of men serve their own interests. If the ignorance of nature gave birth to gods, the knowledge of nature is calculated to destroy them.