When I was a little kid playing baseball, my manager called me Sleepy. And only a few people, who know me from way, way back, call me that still. I used to drift off and that's why they made me the catcher, so I wouldn't fall asleep. That gift I have still.

We're Americans! Do you know what that means? It means our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.

Why would you get up there and bore people? I never have figured that out. These people are supposedly in the entertainment industry, and they finally get up there to that podium and they become the most boring people in the world.

People only talk about what a joyous experience it is, but there is terror: Your life, as you know it, is over. It's over the day that child is born. It's over, and something completely new starts.

To people who want to be rich and famous, I'd say, "Get rich first and see if that doesn't cover it."

I don't really read the reviews, but I remember one a long time ago I read that said that I had a face like a potato.

I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!