Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to get one.

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.

To people who want to be rich and famous, I'd say, "Get rich first and see if that doesn't cover it."

I have a brother who gives socks for Christmas. He gives socks. Every year, I get a pair of socks from him.

I'm just a potato that won't quit. I'm a potato with some legs. Some have eyes, I've got legs.

It's a lot of work to read a crummy script.

You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.