I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank piña coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over?

The cool part about naming your kid is you don’t have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.

My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses

Well it's hard to be yourself, it's the hardest job there is.

I think midlife crisis is just a point where people's careers have reached some plateau and they have to reflect on their personal relationships.

Every moment that you share someone else's pain, feel what they feel, makes you more human.

'Groundhog Day' was one of the greatest scripts ever written. It didn't even get nominated for an Academy Award.