Hey Dad, will you buy me a flame thrower? Of course not. Don't be silly. Even if I didn't use it in the house?

You can present the material, but you can't make me care.

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

What assurance do I have that your parenting isn't screwing me up?

You know, maybe we don't need enemies." "Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.

I've been thinking Hobbes" "On a weekend?" "Well, it wasn't on purpose

I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...procrastinating and rationalizing.