We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. What mood is that? Last-minute panic.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

Calvin: Know what I pray for? Hobbes: What? Calvin: The strength to change what I can, the inability to accept what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference.

I think most of us would be horrified to meet ourselves and discover what everyone else already knows about us.

Calvin: Dear Santa, before I submit life to your scrutiny, I demand to know who made YOU the matter of my fate?! Who are YOU to question my behavior, HUH??? What gives you the right?! Hobbes: Santa makes the toys, so he gets to decide who to give them to. Calvin: Oh.

Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face!" "If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles.