People die all the time. It's just that you're not around.

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.

Politically correct is the language of cowardice.

I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.

There's nothing better than a fight, especially when you're watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he's a big Jessie!

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.