I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.

Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.

Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?

I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.

Never trust anybody with only one book.