I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.

I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.

Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

Without arts programmes there's only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.