Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
I was brought up as a Catholic. I've got A-level guilt.
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.