I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That's what girls do. I think I am a girl really.

Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.