I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.

I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research.

The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather.