And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked and he said "ten past twelve".

I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There's an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it's a different venue.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.