If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.

I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.

Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

I still do my comedy and my performance stuff and my acting so it's not all-consuming. But I do find myself drawing more and more these days.

I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.