If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.

I’ve come in and out of America for… well, I’ve lived here for 15 years. And I’ve played here for nearly 30 years. On and off. But I’ve always played to my fan base. And I can come and do two or three nights in New York or two or three nights in L.A., and all that. But when I go away, nobody knows I’ve been gone. You know, I don’t get reviewed or anything like that. So that’s why I’ve come back and done a longer time in a smaller place, in New York. It’s always the people who live here that get a chance to know me.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.

American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head -- supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.