What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

I've always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I'm where I belong.

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you're a zombie. And you're talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.