Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."
Billy ConnollyOn George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.
Billy ConnollyDon't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
Billy Connolly