Without arts programmes there's only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.
Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.