When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

Never trust people who've only got one book.

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!!

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me.