I was brought up as a Catholic. I've got A-level guilt.

In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded.

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"

Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"

Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?