A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here?

I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.

I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.

Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.

I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f--ing minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a f--ing Muppet movie.

I think comedy is difficult, and I'm amazed so many people want to do it. I'll be buying jeans and somebody will say, "I'm a comedian" - the guy selling you the jeans. The desire to be a comedian is weird. I found it weird myself to want to be one; I was a schoolboy when I wanted to be one but I didn't know how to do it. That was 50 years ago, so times have changed greatly. There seems to be a long line of people desperate to do it and most of them are quite good.