A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.

A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born; nowhere! It's over!

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.

Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.