I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.

I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.

Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.