Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.

There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.