I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.

There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.

As soon as I got successful, the Scottish press started picking on me. It's something they reserve just for me.

Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."

Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.

If you give people a chance, they shine.

A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.