I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.