So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.

I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There's an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it's a different venue.

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?

I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.

The strangest thing is at tea breaks, or coffee breaks or lunch, you forget you're a zombie. And you're talking about politics to somebody at the table and you forget that you have a bullet hole in your forehead.

The more you know the less the better.