So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

I'm not going to throw away the hand of friendship to suit 100 Trotskyites in Glasgow.

Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it's like they're in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.

I don't aim to offend.

In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded.

The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.