If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.

A fart is just your arse applauding.

The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.

Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.